Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
