I got chris browned last night
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
This is my gift to your gina
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
