I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
