Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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