no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You can't motorboat a personality
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
