I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
