TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
