respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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