i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
