: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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