if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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