Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
