The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
