Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
