weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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