Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
