My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
