____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So much rum. So many feels.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
