How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
