girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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