my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
