Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
