So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
