Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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