last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
