There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
