Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
