Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
