he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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