the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
