I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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