i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
