I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
