you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
