Can i not drive my cunt home
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
