Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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