i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
