We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
