The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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