We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
