Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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