I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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