No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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