apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
