My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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