There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
