I think I just saw someone hide a body.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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