I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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