Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
