he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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