Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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