You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
