two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
