So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
