I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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