I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
