fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
