We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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