is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
